I bet it flatters your ego when you are called a perfectionist. Your vanity melts and you feel super proud of yourself. But I will always argue that perfectionism is more a curse than a blessing. And letting go of perfectionism tendencies should be the number one priority if you want to keep yourself sane.
Yes, the world is full of perfectionism enthusiasts, and setting high standards is widely praised and encouraged. But the world is also full of neurotics and unhappy people, who struggle to have a normal night’s sleep and have no peace of mind whatsoever. And I have a feeling there may be a correlation.
So, I invite you to crack this controversial subject to pieces and see what’s inside. Let’s get to it!
Being a perfectionist
Taking a peak into a perfectionist mindset is like stepping into a minefield. The rules are always changing, there’s no rest and nothing ever seems to be enough. Perfectionists are haunted by this feeling of never being good enough, and as a result, they tend to be extremely critical of themselves.
PERFECTIONIST SYMPTOMS
The symptoms of perfectionism can be quite wide-ranging and perfectionist traits can manifest in different ways. Let’s see if you can recognize yourself in the next perfectionism examples. Among those are:
- Fear of being imperfect and not meeting certain expectations
- Mental distress with the dominant emotion of anxiety and guilt
- Stressing over the number of tasks and to-dos
- A feeling of never enoughness
- The compulsive desire to be in control
- Overthinking every decision
- Difficulty accepting compliments
As a result perfectionist personality eventually develops unhealthy habits such as:
- pushing away people who care about them,
- procrastinating on important tasks, and
- obsessing over tiny details that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.
Note, that perfectionists suffer. And this search for the ideal is a never-ending quest that can be quite exhausting if you let perfectionistic tendencies take control of your life.
The root cause of perfectionism
Perfectionism stems from tying our self-worth to our achievements, convinced that only extraordinary success can define our value as a person.
Some major factors contribute to establishing and reinforcing this belief:
- Cultural pressure. Our culture often glorifies perfectionism, which only reinforces the idea that being perfect is the only way to be successful. It puts tremendous pressure on our shoulders and makes us jump through hoops in order to keep up to speed with this demand.
- Low self-esteem. People with low self-esteem often find themselves in a never-ending cycle of trying to prove their worth through perfectionism. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, shame and guilt when they don’t reach the desired outcome or standards.
- Childhood traumas. Perfectionistic behavior can be a result of childhood traumas, either from a strict or abusive upbringing. This can cause an individual to strive for perfection in order to avoid the feelings associated with being imperfect. Such person will always feel like he must “deserve” love.
Why letting go of perfectionism?
At first glance, the desire to be perfect may seem like a positive attribute. After all, striving for excellence and working hard to achieve your goals is admirable.
But…
Perfectionism is linked to high levels of stress, anxiety and OCD. Associated with the seeking of excellence perfectionism anxiety is a widely known phenomenon, that leads to procrastination and avoidance of tasks. Not only it feels terribly uncomfortable, but it also limits our ability to take risks, try new things, or be creative.
That being said, perfectionism:
- Impacts mental health (anxiety, depression, OCD),
- Diminishes self-esteem,
- Holds back from accomplishing more,
- Leads to procrastination and avoidance,
- Limits creativity,
- Negatively affects overall quality of life.
Letting go of perfectionism for good
Overcoming perfectionism is a process of self-discovery and requires some work on the part of the individual. It also requires understanding how perfectionism keeps us stuck and what steps we can take to move beyond it.
Let’s go over the main strategies for letting go of perfectionism.
1. RECOGNIZING THE SITUATION
The initial step towards progress is awareness. It’s important to recognize when perfectionism is taking over and become conscious that you are in the midst of this situation. Catching yourself at the moments when perfectionism creeps in is a great way to start.
2. IDENTIFYING THE TRIGGERS
It can be an event, feeling, or even a thought process that leads to perfectionistic behavior. Understanding these triggers will prepare you to actually do something with this situation, rather than automatically repeat old behavior.
3. CHANGING THOUGHT PATTERNS
We are getting used to thinking a certain way and we don’t like to change these patterns. Unfortunately, not always our thinking habits are healthy, especially when it comes to perfectionism. And because they are getting on the way to a peaceful life, they must be questioned and reevaluated.
In order to overcome perfectionism we must introduce these mental habits into our daily life:
- Allowing yourself to make mistakes
Making mistakes is an inseparable part of the learning process, no matter what you do. And considering there are billions of things that you are unfamiliar with how can you EVER expect to get it “right” right away?
I always liked this quote by Tony Robbins “No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.” How about that for a new mindset?
We should stop giving negative connotations to the mistakes we make. Really, it is just a trial of doing something with a different outcome than anticipated. That’s it.
- Choose improvement over perfection
Instead of focusing on attaining the impossible, take a step back and recognize that striving for improvement rather than perfection is a much healthier mindset.
When we choose improvement over perfectionism it indicates that we are mature and sensible. Meaning we don’t live in a fantasy and we are not oblivious about our own potential. But rather we are aware of our strengths and weaknesses and work towards becoming the best version of ourselves.
So, the next time you find yourself stressing over a project or task, remember that perfection isn’t the end goal – improvement is. And if you actually start doing something, the improvement will follow. It must.
- Finding purpose in the process
It can be tempting to get bogged down trying to perfect every aspect of our work, but what if there was another way? Instead of striving for perfection, what if you shift your focus to finding purpose and meaning in what you do?
Because the truth is, even if we don’t do everything perfectly if something brings us joy and fulfillment, it is worth doing. Like Bertrand Russel once said, “The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time”.
In fact, by seeking meaning and purpose in our endeavors, it stops being just about accomplishing tasks. Now it’s about the journey and the growth that happens along the way. So why not shift your focus and see how much more enriching your work can become?
- Starting to look differently at criticism
If someone is critiquing your work, it can be a great opportunity to get some constructive feedback. Rather than seeing it as a negative judgment of our abilities, we can view it as a tool for improvement.
By embracing constructive criticism, we open ourselves up to new ideas and perspectives that can help us grow and develop.
It is only up to you to decide whether someone’s words will break you or make you more resilient and confident in yourself.
- Ditching all-or-nothing mentality
An all-or-nothing mentality divides everything in black and white and is characterized by a tendency to see things in extremes, with no middle ground. “If you can’t do something perfectly, why even bother to try?”
Examples of this can be found in situations such as dieting, where it may feel like you have failed if you slip up on your plan even once, or in relationships, where you may view a minor disagreement as a sign that the entire relationship is unsalvageable.
The all-or-nothing mentality is a major hindrance to our well-being. This way of thinking can lead to feelings of anxiety, rigidity, and self-criticism. It is a recipe for stagnation and discouragement.
For that reason, you can’t let this outdated way of thinking dominate your actions, feelings and emotions. Starting now better something than nothing is becoming your new motto!
- Taking life less seriously
Yes, you heard me right. Zoom out and look at us humans from the global perspective. You will see that we are just little fruit flies, spinning on a giant rock in outer space in the middle of the billions of galaxies. We angrily honk in the traffic, because we are so busy and in a rush. In a rush where?..
Of course, it is totally up to you if you want to continue this serious game you playing, but honestly, if you are not having fun you kinda missing out.
So, why not take a light-hearted attitude towards yourself and the work you do? By making joy and happiness your life priority, you will be able to find balance and everything will start flowing.
Related: 10 Signs of Laziness to be Aware of
4. PRACTICE SELF-COMPASSION
In a highly competitive world that values perfectionism and favors those who strive for excellence, self-compassion is the answer to our inner turmoil. Unfortunately, many see self-compassion as a weakness, stating we cannot afford it if we hope to achieve success. However, that couldn’t be further from the truth. If we want to get rid of perfectionism we must practice self-kindness and self-compassion.
Self-compassion is based on three pillars:
- recognizing the moment of suffering,
- understanding that suffering is common to all humans, and
- treating yourself with compassion and kindness.
Self-compassion means slowing down and finally starting to notice our inner madness. By becoming mindful of our thoughts, feelings, and emotions, we gain clarity of the suffering we impose on ourselves by adopting sick concepts like perfectionism. When in fact, imperfection is a characteristic shared by all human beings.
5. START TO MEDITATE
Once you establish a practice of self-observation, you’ll quickly come to realize how much you suffer. Meditation is a powerful tool to help cultivate this awareness.
Most people usually shy away from meditation, when in fact it is the salvation we are looking for. All the keys to our well-being and happiness are there, you just need to tap in. (If you are unsure where to start check this dedicated article for beginners)
6. TAME INNER CRITIC
The inner critic is a talking monkey that lives in our heads and never shuts up. It is responsible for many of our negative thoughts, behaviors and feelings. This voice tells you that nothing is ever good enough, but it can be silenced with practice.
Start by recognizing when you are being overly critical of yourself and actively replacing those negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Remember that perfection is impossible, and striving for it will only lead to burnout and frustration.
7. LIMIT NEGATIVE INFLUENCES
We are surrounded by negative influences on a daily basis. From the news and social media to toxic people in our lives or even just the everyday anxieties of life. Social media especially likes to promote “hustle culture” and encourage all these go-getters out there.
Taking steps to limit this type of exposure is absolutely necessary. Maybe that means taking a break from the news, unfollowing some accounts on social media, or simply avoiding certain people. Pinpoint the channels that trigger perfectionistic tendencies in you and cut them off your life.
8. FIND SUPPORT IN THE THERAPY
Therapy can be a great friend in the journey of letting go of perfectionism. It provides an objective, non-judgmental environment to talk through issues and get more insight into yourself and your behavior.
Let’s agree that more often than not we all can use some help. A fresh perspective of an outsider can provide a deeper understanding of what you have been missing and build more positive relationships with yourself and others.
